A Personal Self Reflection from a Counsellor
Article authored by Ronald Davis
I was prompted to write this reflection following a discussion in supervision with a trainee counsellor in their final year of placement. The trainee disclosed using personal self-disclosure in their first session with a client, believing that it would build rapport and demonstrate empathy. I noticed immediately my internal response to this disclosure. Part of me admired the trainee’s openness and confidence. Another part of me felt worried about timing, boundaries, and whose needs were being met, the trainee or the client.
This tension led me to reflect more deeply on my own relationship with self-disclosure in the therapeutic relationship.
Something to Avoid?
I rarely use self-disclosure in my own therapeutic work. My initial training in counselling emphasised the importance of boundaries, the careful management of transference and countertransference, and the ethical risks associated with shifting the focus away from the client. For many years, I understood self-disclosure primarily as something to avoid rather than something to consider through a therapeutic lens. I believed that my role was to be steady, reliable, containing, not personally visible in the relationship. Less of me in the room, I thought, created more space for my client to explore themselves in the therapeutic environment.
This position was influenced by my understanding of psychodynamic thinking, which cautions that a counsellor’s self-disclosure may interfere with transference and the client’s projections. I internalised the idea that neutrality protected the therapeutic frame. Whilst there is validity in protecting that frame, over time I began to question whether absolute neutrality might at times feel distancing and even cold and detached, particularly for clients whose histories include emotional neglect or relational invisibility.
From Personal Experience…
One significant and carefully considered disclosure involved my own lived experience with OCD. A client was presenting with intrusive thoughts and overwhelming compulsive rituals, accompanied by deep, intense shame. As they spoke, they repeatedly described themselves as ‘broken’ and ‘dangerous.’
After several sessions, once a strong therapeutic relationship had formed, I chose to say something like this to the client: ‘I wonder if you would be open to me sharing something briefly about my own life. I have lived with OCD myself, and I recognise how intrusive and frightening thoughts can be. I also know that having these thoughts does not make someone dangerous.’
I was explicit that I was not comparing our experiences, nor shifting focus to my own story. The disclosure was brief, grounded, and returned immediately to the client’s experience. What followed was a visible relaxation of the client. The client later shared that knowing I had a personal experience of OCD reduced their shame and strengthened their trust in our work together. For me, this was a moment where self-disclosure felt ethically congruent, therapeutically purposeful.
Counsellor Self Disclosure…
Research suggests that appropriate counsellor self-disclosure can enhance the therapeutic relationship, which is consistently linked to positive outcomes. It has been found that when disclosures are brief, relevant, and clearly in the service of the client’s goals, they can normalise experiences, model authenticity, and strengthen collaboration in the therapeutic relationship. My own disclosure experience above resonates with this. When used sparingly and with intentionality, self-disclosure does not dilute the therapeutic work; rather, it has the potential to deepen trust and facilitate therapeutic movement.
However, the trainee’s account of disclosing in a first session brought into sharper focus the ethical and clinical complexities of the use of self-disclosure. First sessions are formative. They establish boundaries, expectations, and the therapeutic contract. Introducing personal material too early risks confusing roles or accelerating intimacy before safety is established. There is also the possibility that early disclosure may serve the counsellor’s anxiety about being liked or accepted, rather than the client’s therapeutic need. This requires honest self-scrutiny.
Through an Ethical Lens
The potential benefits of self-disclosure are documented, and so are the risks. Self-disclosure can blur boundaries, shift focus away from the client, or even subtly invite the client to ‘look after’ the counsellor. It can unintentionally minimise the uniqueness of the clients experience if framed as equivalents – ‘I know exactly how you feel.’ That phrase, in my view, is particularly problematic. It risks collapsing difference and centring the counsellor’s narrative in the relationship. The ethical principle of non-maleficence, to do no harm, requires that self-disclosure be weighed carefully against potential unintended impact and influence on the client.
Reflecting through the ethical lens of the ISPC Ethical Code, I am particularly mindful of beneficence, integrity, and respect for client autonomy. Beneficence questions whether the self-disclosure generally promotes the clients well-being. Integrity requires transparency in my own motivations. Autonomy reminds me that the client’s process must remain central and free from subtle influence. In practical terms, this means I must ask myself: Who is this for? What is my intention? How might this affect the power balance? Would I be comfortable justifying this choice within supervision or to an ethics committee? These questions have become internalised safeguards and act as an internal supervisor when considering self-disclosure.
There have also been occasions when I chose not to disclose and later reflected whether a carefully measured response might have reduced relational distance and client anxiety. In supervision, I have explored whether my restraint sometimes emerged from my own discomfort rather than clear clinical judgement. Countertransference research reminds me that our personal histories influence the way we feel able or willing to reveal ourselves. Distinguishing between ethical caution and defensive avoidance is ongoing work in the counselling relationship.
The Perception of Self Disclosure
As a supervisor, I now hold a more balanced perspective when trainees raise this topic with me. I do not position self-disclosure as inherently wrong, nor do I endorse it as a strategy for relationship building. Instead, I invite trainees to consider timing, client readiness, cultural context, and the therapeutic intent of such disclosures. Research does indicate that moderate, thoughtful self-disclosure tends to be perceived positively, whereas excessive or poorly timed self-disclosure can undermine credibility and blur roles. This reinforces the importance of practitioner self-reflection before action.
Cultural considerations further complicate the use of self-disclosure. In some contexts, reciprocal sharing may enhance trust, in others, it may be experienced as boundary erosion. Ethical practice requires cultural humility and sensitivity to how disclosure is interpreted. What deepens one therapeutic relationship may disrupt another.
My Final Thoughts
Ultimately, my stance remains one of thoughtful restraint. I still use self-disclosure rarely. However, I no longer avoid it out of a rigid adherence to neutrality. Instead, I see it as a therapeutic intervention that must be congruent, ethically grounded, and clearly in service of the client. The trainee’s self-disclosure in a first session reminded me that self-disclosure is powerful, not because it reveals something about the counsellor, but because of what it can evoke in the client.
When I have used self-disclosure with care, I have witnessed the relationship strengthen and the work deepen. Yet I remain aware that it carries risk. Like all therapeutic interventions, it requires discernment, supervision, and ethical accountability. In this way, self-disclosure becomes not an act of sharing for its own sake, but a considered relational offering, one that must always return the focus to the client.
Please Get in Touch
Ronald Davis is an experience Counsellor and Counselling Supervisor. If you would like to speak with him or indeed want to share your own self reflections on Ethical Issues in counselling, please do get in touch.
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